Last night was a bad night. I was going to write this entry last night, but it is a good thing I didn't and let time and sleep wash over me and anger was away. I am going to change the scope of this Blogstalking exercise and make it a bit more self-focused.
Three Things I Love About My Parenting
* I am supportive and will do anything to help. Flash cards? In a jiffy! Swim practice? I'm already in the pool! Need a parent for a field trip? I work for a place that prides itself on letting parents do this!
* I have a sense of humour. Kids crack me up - especially when they are trying to be on-the-level and adult with you.
* I am a straight-shooter. You did something wrong? You will apologize and make up for it. I don't want to hear any whining. Get up, dust yourself off and make it better.
And now, and maybe more importantly,
Three Things I Hate About My Parenting
* I am horribly elitist. Not about money - I am not that shallow. Educating yourself - making yourself a better person - Being informed. If you don't care about these things, I would have a hard time caring about you.
* I am quick to anger and disappointment. Quick to joy and praise as well, but those two definitely get over-shadowed in my child's eyes by the first two.
* I am a over-achiever and expect the same of those around me.
It is the last two things on that list that are causing so much strife right now in my home. I am not sure where this drive to be first and a winner every time comes from. My parents always encouraged me to do my best, but there was never an underlying threat of be the best or else. Willow didn't pass her swimming level for the second time and so in a few weeks will be taking the same class for the third time in a row. I am so conflicted by this! I am not faulting her teacher in the slightest - I have been observing the class and know the concrete reasons why she is not moving on. I also know she can do these same damn things in the pool when she and I just go to play! The big thing she can't/won't do in class is swim half the length of the pool
unaided. She will swim for maybe 10 feet and then will cling onto the instructor like a baby monkey. When she and I are in the pool for family swim I always make her swim lengths
for the first 20 minutes before we play and she will swim more than half the length of the pool with no effort. Why not in class!?!?!?
Andrew is much more casual about this. He says she will just keep on taking lessons until she passes this level. I want to scream. I am trying to keep this together. I told Willow I was disappointed and a little angry because I know she can do all these things. She got quiet and said she didn't want to talk to me.
Great. And this is only swimming lessons. What am I going to be like when we start getting real report cards from school?